Wednesday, May 21, 2008

David Cooks Up Idol Win

And I get the first crack at the American Idol punny headline bonanza. David Cook indeedy-did win the whole enchilada, taking it right out of Radio Disney's little hands, 56 percent to 44 percent. And there was a pantload of starness at this show. Cook sang with ZZ Top. Archuleta sang with One Republic. Carrie Underwood was there, singing last name, wearing something that attached both sleeves to this sheer scarf thingie behind her back, much like the yarn string my mom used to fashion to keep my mittens inside my jacket when I was three. Syesha Mercado sang with Seal (meh..). Last year's American Idol winner Jordin Sparks sang something. Everyone sang with Donna Summer. Jason Castro reprised his version of "Hallelujah," and Michael Johns and Carly Smithson inexplicably sang "My Baby Wrote Me a Letter." And Bryan Adams sang something. Brooke White sang with Graham Nash, which is exactly her niche. And Renaldo the Becaped appeared, to sing his original composition, "I Am Your Brother," backed by a marching band, and much to Simon's chagrin. There was some other business with Jack Black, Ben Stiller and Robert Downey Jr. with Gladys Knight. And some horrid movie pimping for the new Mike Myers "Love Guru" thing, with a mildly funny line about Archuleta's puberty and um, nether region hair. Oh, and somewhere in there David Cook was in a Guitar Hero commercial in his underwear. It was hot. Archuleta in his skivvies? Chris Hansen-worthy. Then out pops the Top 12 (Jason Castro in a black suit and tie!) to do one final set of numbers ... "Faith," "Father Figure"...."Freedom '98"... "Are they setting up for a George Michael appearance?" I asked my friend Anne. As if on cue, the Jackie-O bespectacled specter of Mr. I Want Your Sex/Formaldehyde Cow appears. I'm just that good. And right after that, the results. Simon admits that he went back and looked at last night's performance, where everyone - including him - declared Archuleta the winner. "Total knockout," I believe, were Mr. Cowell's words. Tonight, Cowell said he reviewed the performances and felt that it was actually much closer than they behaved as if it were, and he apologized to Cook, saying that he felt he was disrespectful to him by fawning all over Small Wonder. And then Cook was named the winner, Archuleta looked kinda relieved, Cook cried, then sang whatever this year's version of "This Is My Now" was. BTW, for those of you looking for Texas connections in this post: Cook was born in Houston, Jason Castro performed several times, and George Michael lives with partner Kenny Goss in Dallas part time. Also, because I didn't really blog live, I give you how I would've liked my live blog to go, if I could've gotten someone equally snotty to blog with me about American Idol. It's a goal of mine before next January.