Sunday, February 8, 2009

Please, Less Talky-Talky, More Music, Grammys

I wasn't gonna live blog this, but it's come to my attention that whoever is writing the Grammys is actually writing in verbal diarrhea. I think they hate famous people. It's the only thing that explains the horrible, horrible solo banter I was just subjected to by Dwayne Johnson, formerly "The Rock." Making him recite the lyrics to Katy Perry's "I Kissed a Girl?" Really? And while U2 rocked it, I have to say I found it vastly amusing that Al Green got tired of that whippersnapper Justin Timberlake taking over HIS song, and began engaging of some vocal acrobatics that left the poor former NSyncer screaming into his mic. So far, they've given out one statue - Best R&B album, Jennifer Hudson. It was presented by Whitney Houston, who I swear used to be able to open her eyes wider. So now you're caught up. And there's Simon Baker, who looks just like Buddy Holly. Uh-oh, and you're Mary Tyler Moore. He introduced Coldplay, and thankfully, didn't talk any more than necessary. And may I just say thank jeebus 60 minutes came on before the Grammy telecast to tell me that Coldplay is an awesome new band, and its lead singer is married to some actress named Gwyneth Paltrow? It's what all the kids are listening to today! Keith Urban says something about Gene Autry winning a lifetime something something. NOT AN ACTUAL AWARD. Grammys, you've been on for half an hour now, and you've given ONE AWARD. Seriously? Urban also introduces Carrie Underwood, who raided both Stevie Nicks and Princess Leia's wardrobes, pulled a Molly Ringwald in Pretty in Pink, and came up with uh, that. She also has a blinged microphone. I'd kinda like the mic. They're gonna make Sheryl Crow and Leann Rimes speak something heinous off the teleprompter. Oh yay! Another award. Freakingfinally. Country Duo/Group Performance with Vocals - "Stay," Sugarland. Jennifer Nettles was cute - pointing to her mom and mouthing, "This is my mama," to the camera. I also have to warn you people - due to some DVR thing I have yet to completely comprehend, I'm going to stop everything at 8 and watch Desperate Housewives. You'll be on your own. Feel free to make snarky comments, or not. If it's still on at 9, I'm sorry. OK, so Coldplay just won song of the freakin' year for "Viva La Vida." Sure, great song, but can we let someone else win? Like Adele? Or Estelle? or not Coldplay? Have these people heard "Chasing Pavements?" The lyrics are GOLD. Now Kid Rock singing something southern rocky, shocking, I know. Kid Rock makes me want to shower. I mean, I just did, and I feel greasy five seconds into this medley. I need to bathe.... Oh. Yay. Taylor Swift and Miley Cyrus. I. Cannot. Contain. My. Excitement. I think we also have just realized who is the better singer. Ms. Cyrus - less "goofy faces," more vocal training. Miley looks like she's in pain, too. I think it's because she can hear herself. It's also four minutes til I go DH, then perhaps I'll come back at 9. Mock liberally in the comments, if you like, as I said before. OK - one more thing from Twitter, courtesy Ana Marie Cox: " anamariecox RT @sissenberg: "Miley Cyrus doesn't impress me, but I acknowledge she'd be cute if she fell down a well." (Welcome Sasha who is HILARIOUS.)" Made me laugh out loud.