Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Things I've Said This Week

New feature. Maybe a little narcissistic. But here goes: basically, I compile things that I've either said in e-mail, out loud, in an instant message, or whatever other form of communication I can't think of right now, and then on Friday, I show you this list. You can comment if you wish. Or if you want to tell the class the weirdest/funniest thing you've said all week, you can do that, too. In no particular order: 1. I mean, surely someone's looked at this shit by now and gone, "Goddamn, this woman couldn't be more batshit if she lived in a cave and wore mosquito pants." 2. whip it up with a rage. 3. Scary. I have popcorn down my shirt. Only, I haven't eaten any popcorn today. 4. If I give you a cookie and a medal, will you simmah down? 5. you are one pair of acid washed jeans and a bon jovi tshirt away from 1990. 6. thinks eric nadel's eyepatch would make a good band name. 7. Hung like an unwired light switch. Small, and unable to turn anything on. 8. "That's what SHE said." - Loudly, in The Mecca, after a hostess assured a waitress that there was money "in her box." 9.Like that you can get drunk on homeopathic medicine while at your desk at work, because it doesn't look like beer? 10. I can still taste it in my mouth, and I love it so much. 11. I would like to take your fine work out for a steak dinner. 12. So there I was, in Wal-Mart, right? Doing the Pee Pee Dance, and waiting on the slowest cashier in the world to quit gawking at the sheer volume of batteries I was buying. If I hadn't been concentrating on not wetting my britches, I woulda said, "Hey, do I have the world's largest sex toy collection ever, or is my power out? Wanna hazard a guess?" But instead I paid and then peed. 13. Let's see ... do I jiggle the thingamagig boocoo times until golly, gee, it flushes, or do I leave this foot-long turd here for everyone to see? Oh wait, I gotta go to Sunnyvale by 3. Option two it is!