Ike-oh-Ike-oh All Day .... Part Two

Saturday 1:31 p.m.: Faced with certain demise, a brave, death-defying trip to Target was made for candles and board games. Now, football is being watched, and lunch was eaten. We do this so the hurricane doesn't win. 1:33 p.m.: So sad - the Balinese Room in Galveston is gone. Also so sad, up until a few minutes ago, the Iowa State-Iowa game was a three point game. As in only a field goal had been scored THE ENTIRE FREAKING GAME. 1:37 p.m.: Decision. We hate Chase Daniel, but love Casey Dick. 1:44 p.m.: CNN says Ike is now a tropical storm. Weird thing to hear on a college football broadcast, wedged in between color commentary: Rhapsodizing about Tennessee Williams' plays, quoting lines from "Cat on a Hot Tin Roof." 1:47 p.m.: Dear cube-dwellers and office people of the JP Morgan Chase Tower in downtown Houston: I really hope you backed up all your work. Your computer is in the street. So is your window. And probably your TPS report. 1:51 p.m.: Mizzou is pummeling Nevada, 45-17 in the third. We still don't like Chase Daniel. 2:02 p.m.: Iowa wins. The world yawns. 2:04 p.m.: How awesome is this? Discuss. Commercial: "You can pound it all day, without feeling it the next day." Yamaha, WTF? 2:14 p.m: What I should be doing? Being happy there's an Arkansas game today. But it's been postponed. Ike coverage has devolved into interviewing the toothless guy with the mullet, who tells us it sounded like a freight train. Ike has officially jumped the shark. "The Big Lebowski" is on today. So is "Animal House." This will be comforting if we lose power. Again, more bravery and chin-up-ness in the face of Ike. 2:29 p.m.: The BBC asks why so few female conductors? 2:30 p.m.: Chase Daniel kissed a guy, we're pretty sure. 2:32 p.m.: Georgia-South Carolina game. We shall watch Matthew Stafford. We shall. 2:35 p.m.: Could a game between the Gamecocks and Arkansas' Casey Dick accurately be called a sword fight? 2:37 p.m.: BTW, the faux Crocs they sell at Target are heretofore known as Faucs. 2:40 p.m.: Ike, seriously. If I don't see a deck chair or something fly through the yard soon, I'm going to quit liveblogging you. You're as exciting as Joe Lieberman and Al Gore in a your mama contest.

Ike-oh-Ike-oh All Day ....

So consider this a semi-live blogging of Hurricane Ike. Friday 9:30 p.m.: OMIGOD, the Weather Blog at the DMN has gone off the rails funny. Hee-Lair-Eee-Ous, I tell you. On a side note, we're all gonna die. Also, you can watch KHOU all day and night if you have DIRECTV, channel 361. 9:32 p.m.: The dog is outside, barking some kind of intense communication to the other dogs. It's either about private parts cleaning with your tongue, or the fact that there's some ginormous storm coming and his humans remain unimpressed. I'm not sure. 9:33 p.m.: KU needs my mojo. They went from being awesomely ahead at the half - like, 20-10, to being tied in the third. Maybe they just need an awesomely-named QB like Casey Dick. 9:35 p.m.: Seriously, where's this hurricane? It even looks like the reporters are tapping their toes and looking at their watches. Oh crap. USF just scored. Score USF 27, Kansas 20. 9:39 p.m.: Mark Mangino (must fight urge to type Mangina) looks mighty peeved. Question: Would it be immature of me to giggle because Hornaday used testosterone cream? The mind reels with dirty joke possibilities. 9:40 p.m.: I hate the stupid Rock Band 2 commercial. Hate. HATE. 9:41 p.m: Did I mention that I've been drinking? Oh, and I would not have a baby to get a VW Routan. 9:44 p.m.: Is Baylor that good, or Washington State that bad? Discuss. 9:48 p.m.: USF scores again. I'm starting to like Lou Holtz's INSANE suggestion earlier that we quit keeping score and just play for an hour for fun. Can we do that now? 9:49 p.m.: Quick check on Ike. Police and fire departments have been pulled in, but reporters are standing around in storms, holding microphones. 9:55 p.m.: Fourth quarter, 11 and change left in the game, USF 34, Kansas 20. Jayhawks will have to score twice, keep USF from scoring, and then kick a field goal or make a two-point conversion to win. 10:00 p.m.: Anderson Cooper, with all his Anderson Cooperiness, is watching Ike. Whew. You can't throw a hurricane without Anderson Cooper. Propah. The dog, who should be freaking out, is asleep next to my leg. Or was, until Reesing threw a TD to Wilson. Score: USF 34, KU 27. 10:02 p.m.: Seriously, Jack Links. Messin' with Sasquatch is. not. funny. 10:03 p.m.: The anchor chick on KHOU really likes stroking her chin, Dr. Evil style. I'm getting creeped out. Also, apparently Houston has said if you didn't get the heck out earlier, you're SOL. Stay put. You're gonna die. 10:10 p.m: If you're available, and not dead of Ike, you can volunteer to help in the hurricane relief effort. 10:11 p.m.: HuffPo says the GOP is going all Jim Crow. KU scores a TD. Score: USF 34, KU 34 10:20 p.m.: Holy crap. The Rangers are winning, 5-0. How long before they give up a bajillion runs and lose, 25-5? 10:22 p.m.: Dallas County is now under an Inland Tropical Storm Wind Warning. That's National Weather Service-speak for "Now's the time to go to the store, buy a hat, and then prepare to hold the eff on to it." 10:27 p.m.: There's 51 seconds left in the game, KU has the ball. A lovely TD would seal this up well, but if he can get them within field goal range, that'll be nice, too. Obviously, Mangino agrees with me, because the kicker is warming up. 10:30 p.m.: Gawd almighty - USF just intercepted, and now THEY'RE within field goal range. But they have two seconds and an iffy kicker with wind going the wrong direction. It could end up in OT after all. 10:34 p.m.: Crap. It's good. But there's a flag. But apparently it doesn't matter, everyone's celebrating and KU is leaving the field. And someone's waving around a big shovel. WTF? 10:38 p.m.: A KHOU reporter may blow away. This is awesome, riveting live Tee Vee. He's broadcasting live from the Holiday Inn Express. He's got a notebook and what appears to be some Milf Weed in a baggie. 10:41 p.m.: KHOU's weather dude du jour says he sees some strange things on the radar. I'll say. It looks like Ike ate Texas. 10:42 p.m.: Sarah Palin versus a hurricane. Who wins? Discuss. 10:44 p.m.: "Pocket of Emptiness" in Galveston, weatherman says. Pete Wentz sighs and wishes he had thought of that phrase first. 10:49 p.m.: KHOU's hurricane expert, Dr. Whatever, says Galveston is screwed. The tide levels are almost 10 feet in Galveston, and the stupid thing hasn't made landfall. Like, 1 a.m. they say. 10:53 p.m.: Stuff's on fire. Stuff's blowing up in Galveston. GPD says they also caught a pack of looters. 10:58 p.m.: Ike, you are exhausting me. They say 425,000 without power in the Houston/Galveston/down there area, and Ike is currently a Cat 2. Houston businesses apparently didn't board up any windows in the downtown area. Flying freaking shards of glass, anyone? 11:01 p.m.: Ike, you'll have to Ike without me for a few hours. I are tired. So tired.