American Idol Night: Andrew Lloyd Webber

Dear sweet tiny infant Jesus Christ Superstar...it's Andrew Lloyd Webber night. *cue cringing* One of my friends once said she liked opera when I said I liked opera. Then she said she loved Phantom of the Opera, and I had to explain that was actually fauxpra, not opera. But I digress. We're down to six, with the ouster of Kristy Lee Cook last week. It'll be interesting to see how David Cook and Jason Castro fare with this the most. Carly Smithson's voice is best suited for the bombastic ALW, but we shall see. I see David Duchovny.... a random Pussycat Doll...Simon looks like he wants to vomit. First: Syesha Mercado Ooh...she's kinda sassing Andrew Lloyd Webber. But now he thinks she could bring the house down. Lessee.....She's really working "One Rock and Roll Too Many," from Starlight Express. But the only problem is, no matter how well she does, people kinda have this hate on for her. She's really cutting loose on this, but will it translate into votes tomorrow?

Randy: This may surprise you, not only is this your element, you could be a huge Broadway star. Paula: something something you're real good at it Simon: Syesha, that was very sexy. I actually agree with Randy. I think this was one of your strongest performances so far. You definitely are more comfortable in this area.

Second: Jason Castro He's the guy I worry about. I mean, if he's not Mariah-esque, he's infinitely not ALW. Andrew is flummoxed by a guy in dreadlocks singing "Memory." I couldn't understand everything ALW said, but I think the crux of it was he expects Jason to screw it up. He's not doing so badly though. But he is kinda out of his element. And the creepy hand swayers are back in the audience. Oh dear..time for judging...

Randy: Uses the words "train wreck." Too much melody for me for you. Paula: Everybody used to hearing it something something female power balladeer, something not who you are, wise to choose it..Joe Cocker.... Whoa..Randy just said Jason was beautiful. Simon: It felt to me - and I'm sure to you too - as the longest two minutes of your life. It's not your style of music.

Third: Brooke White Ouch....ALW says Brooke doesn't have a clue what she's singing about - "You Must Love Me." BTW, ALW is about as good at enunciation as Paula. Ooh....White flubs her line right away and starts over. This is the second performance she's done that - the first time the judges thought it was a lovely show of dedication to the song. Will they still think so today? I think her lower register isn't as strong...and she's sounding a little shrillish.

Randy: There were parts of it were good. At least you listened to ALW. I kinda got that vulnerability from you. Paula: You must never bargain shop. Something something something something. Simon: You were so tense trying to remember the song, your throat began straining in the middle of the song, and it actually became uncomfortable.

Fourth: David Archuleta Radio Disney will probably pick something schmalzty and menopausal and simultaneously thrill the Geritol and Malibu Barbie crowds. I will want to throw a brick through my TV. He will mumble through his intro clip with that beaten pound puppy look, and then go up on that stage and sing with all the personality of someone whose dad lets him drive slow on the driveway every Saturday. He's done a rearrangement of "Think of Me" from Phantom of the Opera, but it's still more KLUV than KISS-FM.

Randy: You're exactly what this show's about. This boy's the one to beat! Paula: I think it's perfect..something something apostolic. Simon: I thought it was pleasant. One of your weakest performances of the live shows.

Fifth: Carly Smithson She's going to sing "All I Ask Of You," and ALW said it wasn't a good song for her. He convinced her to sing "Jesus Christ Superstar." Which is, of course, the right song for her voice. Let's see, though, if the judges agree.

Randy: It's no surprise to me that the bigger voices are doing better tonight. Paula: I love so much that its so unexpected...love what you did in the chorus. Simon: It got a little bit shouty in the middle...but it was actually one of my favorite performances of the night.

Sixth: David Cook OK - this is either gonna be cool, or awful. Either way, it won't be enough to get him knocked off this week. He says he actually grew up doing musical theater, and he's going to sing "Music of the Night." It was worth it all night just to see Andrew Lloyd Webber say, "I'm a gorgeous 17-year-old girl," mostly because I'm a third grader. It's kinda disturbing to see rocker David doing musical theater....but he's um, kind of not sucking ... so far. Holycrapstick....see, Radio Disney... this is how you pick a song, sing with you eyes open, and sell it.

Randy: If you can really sing, you can sing anything. Dude, that was an amazing performance. Paula: This song just proves.....something well rounded performances. Simon: You made the most of the song you were given.

OK, my predictions for bottom three: Jason Castro, Brook White, and Radio Disney. Yours?

American Idol Night

So I've decided to do this live blogging thing, because I've gotten sucked in to American Idol for the first time in well, ever. I'm ashamed, but I blame Jason Castro, the local boy. It's Mariah Carey night. Lordamercy. First up: David Archuleta. I do not get him. David, I dub thee Radio Disney. He's so, well, Wonder Bread. He's probably a very sweet boy, but I don't see myself buying a David Archuleta CD. Given the fact that a goodly portion of former American Idol winners aren't doing so well chartwise and album sales wise, you'd think someone would recognize he's not all that commercial. He sings "When You Believe." Why do the judges like him?

Randy: You da bomb! Paula: Something something Mariah something something... (for the record, I never understand what Paula says, and this is only an approximation) Simon: I agree. Let me crown you the Christ child.

Second: Carly Smithson. Smithson already had one shot at a record contract. She cries a lot. She's Irish. Can Mariah Carey's pants be tighter, and sluttier? Carly's gonna sing "Without You." It'll either be hot mess or glorious. There's never an in between. Technically, this is a Badfinger-cum-Harry Nilsson song, btw.

Randy: He almost said, "pitchy." Paula: something something something Simon: Could you pull it off like Mariah? I don't think you did.

Third: Syesha Mercado. OK singer, but she thinks she's pretty. Yes, she is, but for some reason, she's off-putting. She also has horrible judgment in songs, and generally picks songs that are so heavily identified with another artist there is no possible way she can do it better, or more originally, i.e. her Dolly Parton week "I Will Always Love You" that started out slow and strong, but devolved into budget Whitney. Commercial break prediction: She attempts "Emotions." Oh, nope - she took what had to be David Archuleta's second choice "I'll Be There," no, wait, my bad - "Vanishing." Is it my fault some Mariah Carey songs sound interchangeable? And here she goes with the Dollar Store Mariah.

Randy: I like that you're bold....you did a good job on it, all things considered. Paula: This week...something something something...brilliant as Mariah..not many people know...something...heard that song....overalls tonight at my house! Simon: Technically, it was very very good indeed.

Commercial break now, and Simon says Radio Disney has stolen the show so far. Fourth: Brooke White. She's a nanny. She's super nice. She's never seen an R rated movie. She doesn't drink. She doesn't swear. She don't rat her hair. She gets ill from one cigarette (cough cough cough). She's singing, "Hero," at the piano. Mariah reveals she wrote the song originally for Gloria Estefan. I still don't like it. And White's version is ehhhh.

Randy: something about the bridge. Paula: Every something something unplugged version something something sucked you beat you up Simon: It was a bit like ordering a hamburger, and only getting the bun.

Ouch. But true. But now they're arguing about meat and condiments. Fifth: Kristy Lee Cook. Dear God in heaven. She generally sucks harder and longer than a gay porn festival. And. Now. She's. Singing. Mariah. Carey. Specifically, she's singing some song I don't recognize. It didn't totally suck. It didn't totally not suck, either.

Randy: You know, I didn't think that was amazing ... but you definitely started stepping up towards the end. Paula: something something the end....step it up...blown away.....something....gift with purchase....younger generations....children are our future...teach them well and give them a taze Simon: You didn't give me chills. You managed with what you could. It was a little bit whiny at times. It wasn't great.

Sixth: David Cook. He's been rocking it all season, aside from last week. He's also the least Mariah Carey-esque of the group. He chose a stripped down version of "Always Be My Baby." Mariah was surprised, but thought it was cool. I'm liking it too. Strings, guitar....pretty cool. Teary-eyed awwwwww factor? His brother, battling brain cancer, is in the audience tonight.

Randy: Yo, dude. I think more than anyone else on this show right now, I think you're the one ready to make an album. Paula: wow...something something..movie soundtrack. You're it! (She didn't run up and tag him, so I'm assuming this is a compliment) Simon: It was like sort of coming out of karaoke hell into a breath of fresh air. It was original, it was daring....

Crap. DC is teary-eyed. Now I am, too. Sucker for weeping, non-weepy men, I am.

Seventh (and last): Jason Castro. Local boy from Rockwall, he managed to woo the judges last week with his ukelele-fueled "Somewhere Over the Rainbow," getting some of the highest praise of the night. Also a very un-Mariah guy. Yet Mariah seemed to be digging him. Now he's doing restrained version of "I Don't Wanna Cry," with more of a coffee house vibe that he worked out with Mariah. I actually liked it.

Randy: I didn't really love that. (something about a weird luau) It was weird for me. Paula: Jason, 'k I would love to be at that luau listening all night long (thanks, closed captioning - why didn't I find you sooner? Because it's not as funny, that's why). Simon: I'm going to have to agree with (dramatic pause - ooh! Will it be Paula or Randy?) - Paula. It was a cool version. The guys completely won the night.

What's interesting is that Mariah seemed more mentory than Dolly Parton did. Dolly seemed more cheerleadery, while Mariah took time to work on things with the contestants. I have found myself agreeing with Simon a lot - I don't know if this means I would've in previous seasons, and I'm a cranky British guy with big boobs at heart, or what. Perhaps that's a discussion we should have between now and tomorrow's results show.